This post is more of me stating things I may think are symptoms, and I'd like to know if I should bring this up to my therapist or if I'm totally wrong and it may be me overreacting or something else. Tysm in advance.

I already have depression and anxiety (specifically major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder). First off, I have a really bad temper over things that usually don't matter when I look bad at it, starting to scream and rant. I get mad at people easily, but the thing is that unless I'm incredibly angry, I won't express it to their face (because I don't want to hurt them) but internally I'll hate them and angrily vent to my friends.

However, someone could be really mean to me and I'll despise them, yet I'll just magically forgive them once they seem nice for a bit. I also get mad at people for tiny things, as well as assume bad intentions behind other's actions. Despite me easily hatin others and getting mad, I don't want people to hate me, and sometimes I'll massively apologize to a point where they get mad at me for being annoying. And if someone has a hint of a nasty tone in their voice, I'll feel like bawling (I've learned to suppress my crying over the years), and I'll immediately feel worthless for awhile.

I'm really sensitive, like REALLY sensitive. When I was younger, if I got a 'warning card' at school, I'd start bawling on the spot. If I got yelled at, I'd cry. Once, I misinterpreted what my friend did and yelled I hated her in kindergarten (or 1st, i forgot) and started loudly crying. I'm a relatively reserved person, though and. I rarely got in trouble because it made me upset. However, apparently when I was younger I'd cry and get incredibly mad and throw a tempter tantrum over losing a fish game. And now, I have a huge fear of everyone hating me and silently thinking nasty things where I get paranoid to a point where I consider trying to act cuter and seem nicer. I impulsively deactivate my accounts, leave chats, delete posts, etc. over tiny things. I'm convinced everyone wants to ignore me and doesn't like me, not even my own girlfriend and best friends. I can get sad from almost anything, sometimes even nothing and I'm convinced all my friends will leave me and I'll be a 3rd wheel.

Now I don't hurt myself, however I do spend a TON when I'm upset. When someones hurting me, I'll be desperate to buy something. Almost anything. It can range from a pack of pencils to a $30 of stuffed animals I don't use.

My main thing that I feel like doesn't make me think I have it is because I have had a solid group of friends for a few years. However, I've hated almost every one of them for a week-a few months over tiny things, except for my girlfriend who I've never been mad at once. But then I easily forgive them and like them. However, past friendships have always ended without notice. Some people randomly stop talking to me, and I beat myself over it constantly and sometimes begin despising the person at some points. Sometimes I'm convinced they abandoned me for someone else, and things that remind me of them trigger me to get super upset.

do you think this is bpd or like just depression or something? and if so, how would i bring this up to my therapist (or psychiatrist), as im a super awkward person oof tysm!!