I am 24 years old (female) dx with schizoaffective, bpd and confirmed mild OCD symptoms (though he says the latter exists, he doesn't include it in paperwork). (I obsessively check things) As well as several traumas (though no official ptsd diagnosis)

I get intrusive thoughts multiple times a day. They are either of me hurting people (though not brutally anymore) or me being brutally injured by others or unforseen circumstances. This doesn't really reflect a lot of my trauma per se.

I have believed I am clairvoyant for a long time though now it is hard to distinguish which is my predictions about my future or really about to happen. I have theorised that I am seeing other realities. My one friend gets similar thoughts but she is adamant she gets it from her meds as one of our meds is the same (and it is her only one). But for me, these have been prevalent throughout my life.

As well I sometimes feel there is a figurative demon inside me because I have an inner desire to be mean or violent for no reason--which on occasion I slip (generally just being mean but I fear I willl one day be violent)

I am currently on a unique regimen (as its unusual to receive 2 depots that are different) but none of my medication seems to take them away. I have a hard time taking my SNRI because of memory problems but even when i was taking them steadily they remaimed though the anxiety and pervasive need to check and reassure subsided. Invega trinza, Abilify maintena, loxapine as a prn and effexor.

Sometimes I wonder if these are thoughts other people are having about me when I visualize certain strangers killing me. As I have taken on foreign thoughts in the past.

Do you know what I can do to help this? Or any thoughts as to their origin? It's hard to tell when you have multiple problems and are on a cocktail. Can you relate?