Up until I was 16 i couldn't remember anything from my childhood at all, even when I'd have to do a school assignment about my childhood I'd always have to make some generic shit up, just so I'd have something to turn in because I genuinely could not remember anything. I knew my childhood wasn't great because of this feeling of heaviness I'd feel whenever I would try to remember something about it. But towards the middle of my junior year in high school, I'm not sure why but during my history class a girl mentioned that she was afraid of her mom, and for some reason this caused the floodgates of my repressed memories to open and I had a violent and intense flashback and somehow ended up on the floor sobbing and having the worst panic attack of my life. I literally remembered everything and it was not fun to say the least. But after that incident my mental health completely went down hill. I would get random flashbacks and panic attacks during class, if I zoned out I'd always end up thinking about some shitty memory, and then I'd think about it more and more and more, until it felt like it was happening again and I'd always end up having a panic attack. I also felt so emotionless and weird, like nothing around me was real, I felt like a ghost. I started remembering other things as well such as this memory of me being around 7 and it was early in the morning but my room was still kinda dark, and I was just staring at the ceiling with this awful feeling of disgust pitted in my stomach, I felt so gross and horrible I wanted to tear my skin off, and I rember remember thinking to myself that I never wanted to go to swim practice ever again. So I'm not sure if I was ever sexually abused, becausey memory is still pretty spotty and shitty, and only rember remember the things that happened at home. And I'm not sure what I should do, because I'm seeing my therapist tommrow and I've never talked about my childhood or the flashbacks with her because I'm scared. And I've been doing alright lately and don't want to start rembering things again, because I've been able to repress most of it again because it was the only way I'd be able to function and I can't afford to have my mental health go to shit again because I'm doing a government internship, so I'm not sure what would be my best option