Hi all, Since I was a kid, my dad has been incredibly harsh on myself and my family (at the time just my mom). I'm 25 now with a 12 y/o sister and things have not really changed much (his behavior tends to fluctuate). My dad has always had issues with anger and follows a very old-world belief system. For instance, my parents marriage is essentially based on my mother serving him and doing whatever he says. He does not know how and will not buy groceries, wash dishes, do laundry, etc. This head of the household mentality boosts this ego he has and my mother's submissiveness does not help. The only way my mom's attitude towards him helps alleviate the situation is that she can calm him down by being a pushover. Because of this, she suffers immense amounts of mental and emotional abuse from him daily for nearly 20 years. During the time I was at home, I suffered the same. Recently it has gotten really bad with my sister. Since she's a pre-teen, one would expect some sort of sass or angst from a child her age, but our dad just can't understand normal human behavior. MY dad worked in a different city when I was in middle/high school so he never has raised a child. My dad constantly has fits of anger for no reason and always demands respect from people as if it's the only thing that keeps him alive. He only values respect from others and is incredibly cold against family members. It has gotten so bad that his 5 sisters have completely distanced themselves from him in the last decade or so. The only sibling that is close to him is his brother who has a similar condition, but much more mild.

The question I wanted to ask was: Does he have an actual mental disorder or is he just this type of person? I tried looking up disorders and comparing them to his mannerisms, but I just couldn't find anything concrete. Also, what can I do to help my family? I don't live at home anymore (not for several years), but I hate to see my family members suffer because of him. It has gotten to the point where my parents have talked about divorce and I have endlessly encouraged it (only to my mom, my father and I speak often but we are not close). I think the only reason they're still together is to support my sister. I'll list some examples of things my father has done to somehow explain his behavior.

Ex. 1: During my mom's 40th birthday, the 3 of us went out for dinner to a Chinese restaurant. We ordered noodles, but when they came out they were the wrong ones. They were still delicious so my mom and I were totally fine with it. My dad was quite unhappy and talked to the manager. They apologized and took the noodles off the tab, but my father still threw a fit. He forced us to leave before finishing our food and not taking any of it home. We went home and he made my mom cook dinner (essentially for him). After she cooked an entire table of food, he still wasn't happy and he threw all the food across the dining room, including the dishes. My mom and I spent the evening cleaning up.

Ex. 2: My dad's mom passed away about 3 years ago. She lives in China. Prior to that, he had multiple times to go see her and he always chose not to because he hates flying and visiting China. My mom's parents are still alive and in the States with us, but they are planning to go back to China. My grandma turns 80 this year and my mom reminded my dad of this detail and he straightup told my mom that her parents should go back to China, but that my mom cannot go with them or visit them. His reason is that who will watch their daughter and take care of the house? Some background: both my parents work together in our family restaurant but my dad does nothing but sit in his office while my mom manages all the staff and works the front.

Ex. 3: Whenever someone argues with my dad, he will do everything in his power to prove they are wrong. Even if it is evident to him that he is wrong, he will choose to fight it and become visibly angry with that person saying things like "why do you have to fight me? do you really want to argue about this? you know I am right so stop arguing"

There are a lot of mixed thoughts here and I apologize that it isn't very organized. I just want to know if there is actually something wrong with him and what I can do to help my family. Thank you all for taking the time to read. <3

TL:DR - My dad is mentally abusive to my family. Is it a disorder or is he just this type of person?

Edit: Some additional information is that when my parents were younger (before I was born), he was never like this. I also found out that my dad's father was very much the same type of person. He did the same things to his family, but he passed away in his thirties. While one could assume that my father ingrained that behavior in his head when he was young, what drives someone to be so awful?