I have ADHD, and PTSD with psychosis, severe dissociative symptoms (I have separate dissociated identities), disordered attachment and non-epileptic seizures.

I have things I want to do with my life, but I can't focus. I have constant brain fog, my cognitive abilities are steadily declining, I am regularly brought down to a point where I can barely even move by my brain. I have no idea what to do anymore; all I do is get worse. No one in my mental health team have ever provided useful advice, and I'm currently unmedicated as my last script was causing too severe side effects.

I never accomplish anything. I'm a dropout. I don't work. I live on welfare. My apartment is a total mess 60-70% of the time. I can't imagine being alive even a year from now. I have no passion or ambition. The things I enjoy and want to work with and am good at are slipping away between my fingers, and I seemingly can't do anything to stop it.

I'm too stubborn to stop doing things, though. I keep going, keep trying. After every massive crash and psychotic episode I've had, I've crawled back to a semi-ok state where I can at least do some of the culture work I enjoy. I'm losing that stubbornness more and more with every time it all comes crashing down. What's the point when it'll all go to hell again eventually?

I won't go listing causes for my PTSD or any of my terrible coping mechanisms, because I'm not here for that. I want to know what I can do. I have never found useful advice anywhere. As mentioned, mental health professionals don't actually help me. They haven't even been able to fucking prevent me from getting worse. I'm still a minor, and child psychiatry in my area is bullshit. So I have two options. Either, I drop everything in my hands and give up, which I've felt like doing for years. Or, I figure something out on my own. Keywords here are "on my own". It seems I have to be alone in trying to get my shit together, but I see great value in seeking words of advice from others.