I'm a 21yr old maintenance worker who's secretly struggled with (suspected) BPD for as long as I can remember. The only time I made any progress in my battle against it was when I was prescribed clonazapalm because it helped me open up to strangers over the internet with similar conditions and for once and my life I could try and talk this through vs surrendering my body to science (registered organ donor).

I've tried talking to males about my issues but I guess they primarily lack the compassion and advice I'm looking for and mainly because I have a very difficult time opening up to males because it makes me feel pathetic.

I do currently have a gf of 4 years who I have no intentions on cheating on but she has discovered my venting kik account and read through my transcripts with other males and females from all over the globe about coping mechanisms and just to have someone there to talk to but she took it as I was being scandalous so I deleted everything and decided I'm good on my own.

I tried venting to her but she has limited knowledge in mental illness and every time I try and tell her how my brain makes me feel she cries and irrationally worries about me day and night.

If I could just have one or two penpal type friends it could help me drastically but it still feels adulterous discreetly conversing with others so I don't know what to do with myself anymore.