A mental disorder which I would suffer from. "Strong" laziness is something else than "normal" laziness. Only because you are too lazy to do some housework, you shouldn't state that you are suffering from "Strong Laziness Disorder". You should call yourself a sufferer from that if you - as I do - are too lazy to live! Let me explain it to you.

I am currently attending university, due to circumstances I only have to go there once a week, I have absolutely no problems there and my professors are speaking in high terms of me. But I tell you something, the downside, how I really am.

On free days, I sleep till 12 pm, only watch YouTube and surf on the Internet for the rest of the day and then go sleep at 3 am. This is it. If my mom prepares lunch which I don't like, I am angry at her and complain about that, if I have to do some housework, I am complaining that I don't wanna do that, if I should help my sister in homework, I also complain about that. So, you see? I am a "spoiled child" at the age of 20 (!).

I complain that I don't wanna go to university for the next semester, and I want to skip university for that time, and this is only due to one f*cking day during the week. I complain that I don't wanna drive with the bus for 1 hour to university and back again, it's like I find a reason in everything to complain about.

I could easily do private tutoring and earn some money, I could easily pick up a new hobby (playing guitar, drawing, etc.) and master it, I could just read some smart books and learn more about the world. But I don't do it, just because I am extremely lazy.

This is what I define as "strong laziness". I am too lazy to live. I don't wanna do anything, just laying around, watching YouTube videos and eating Nachos. I am not interested to help anyone in my house, or to do something to earn money or to master a hobby (although I would've had the time to do that!). I mean, I don't even know what I want to become in my life. I have no orientation, and it's like I hate every proposition I'd get. Whether it's physical labour, or mental labour, I wouldn't do anything in my life to be honest, because everything would f*ck me up!

I don't know why I am so "learned to laziness". I have a theory why, but I am no expert so I can't say it for sure. I suffered, and still suffer a little bit, from OCD, intrusive thoughts that won't vanish. It made me unable to learn for school, as the thoughts always prevented me from concentrating and learning. And having OCD preventing me from learning and doing stuff would "train" me to do nothing and be lazy. I don't think I can be the same person which I was because this 4-year long experience has shaped me immensely, it has made me a different person, maybe more mature. I experienced the worst intrusive thoughts you can imagine, in terms of negative thinking and me leading in my worst phase (right after the second girl) me to derealisation ("radical skepticism" is the philosophical term for what bothered me at this time in terms of intrusive thoughts - I literally lost contact with the real world believing that nothing is real and only an illusion and thus giving me a kind of psychosis?). Other intrusive thoughts were about my self-worth and self-esteem, other were about political and religious topics. It was hell. And having 24/7 these thoughts, you are literally unable to do something for school, you are forced to laziness. So, in the end, I don't know if this huge unmotivation is due to "training and forcing myself to laziness and doing nothing", or due to depression issues which were never resolved actually. Maybe it's both.

I also had depression, better said "anhedonia", feeling nothing inside. Everything because of very bad experiences with infatuation, didn't worked out with two girls. And you know what, I feel this "hatred" for my situation as I believe that I might be a different person today, 4 years later, if I wouldn't have fallen in love or if it would work out with the first girl (I had OCD already when the second girl thing didn't work out). When I was in love with the first girl, I spent literally hours of research every day, I was so obsessed about her that I searched in internet forums if someone posted a question how "I should approach this guy in the bus". And if someone actually posted something like this, I was so happy as I thought that she might have posted it. But she didn't know me and she already had a boyfriend, I saw them cuddling together at the bus station, this was when everything has begun, I remember it as it would be yesterday. The second girl was also a crush. Actually, the second girl was far worse as she lied to me that she already had a boyfriend, she maybe didn't want to hurt me - she rather didn't want to hurt me with that - but I had been having thoughts about her with her "boyfriend" for the next 2 weeks until a friend of her told me the truth, so de facto her response hurt me.

I don't know, it's sad that due to this and all the mental problems I had (and still have a little bit), I developed into a big lazy crap. Today, due to bad experiences in infatuation, I don't want to seek a girl to have her as my girlfriend, I mean I can't fall in love anymore and any relationship would be only to have sex, as sad as it sounds. So, because I don't want to be an asshole, I will - for now - not engage myself in any kind of relationship. To your information: No, my depression and OCD were not professionally treated, so thus I learned to cope with it by myself

But now, being 20 (!), I can't imagine myself changing, in fact, I don't wanna change to be honest, but only because I have no motivation to do so. Is it to late to change myself? So, "do meditation" or something like that is not the answer now, as I won't do it. I am too lazy to do that, as stupid as it might sound. No one can understand me, my parents will treat me tough and their only advice is that I should seek a hobby, they are like "I also had such problems, so what?". But I believe that they just don't get my situation, and thus I am not angry at them. And because of that - and the fact that I earn no own money - I am unable to spend money and to go to a therapist.

Imagine for a second: You are unmotivated to do ANYTHING. Think about that. These are not empty words. You are unmotivated to do ANYTHING. You see? Only lying around, YouTube, and Nachos. Helping others, doing something to improve myself or earn money, no, I am not motivated to do that and if I will do that I would constantly complain to everyone about everything. Keep in mind that I am feeling like that all the time, it's been 4 years now and it's getting worse every day