Okay, so this is going to take a while to write, but I just have to let it out. The things is, I've been struggling a lot lately with my mental health. That's mainly because I live with my sister who's anorexic, and she's been getting worse and worse since september 2017, and now, she's incredibly ill. And this illness she has, is driving my parents nuts. Therefore, they almost forget to take care of me, and they rarely give me attention. I understand that they got to take care of my sister, but that's all they ever talk about. When I come home from school, they always talk about how ill she really is, or how hard it is for them to cope with it. I love my sister very much, and my parents of course, but it doesn't feel very nice to be almost forgotten by your parents. My parents have admitted that they've given me far to less attention than they should, and that they feel sorry for me. But what does it help for them to say that to my face, when they aren't doing anything about it? I probably sound very selfish, and like I don't understand how serious this whole "situation" is for my sister and my parents, but I'm painfully aware of what's going on, and that makes me really sad and angry. I want to help my sister get better, but every time I tell her she's not fat and stuff, she doesn't believe it, because her illness makes her believe the opposite of what's true. My mental health is seriously damaged because of this. There are of course others who struggle more with their things, but everyone deals with the same stuff differently.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention this, but in December 2017, when it really started to get extremely bad, I started to get very tired and had a lot of anxiety because of the situation (sorry for mentioning this word all the time). My thoughts would get so strong that I could almost hear them, and I would respond to them as if they were actual people talking to me. The thoughts would show up whenever I was stressed out, or had anxiety. The thoughts would be things like "You suck!" "You are an jerk" "No one likes you", and so on. I started to get depressive thoughts, and started to self-harm again. As of today, these "symptoms" are still going strong, the thoughts, self-harm and depressive thoughts are very dominant in my everyday life. And I get very easily irritated, and it feels like someone is watching me all the time, like a spy. I get scared when I'm going out for walks, because it feels like someone is behind me. I have nightmares every week, and really intense, realistic nightmares about traumatic experiences from my past. And, chewing sounds, breathing, footsteps from upstairs, sounds from cleaning the kitchen, these sounds really annoys me, they are very loud, much more loud than usual.

Am I going mad or something? Can someone tell my what's going on with my mental health? I have reached out to a therapist, but he can't have that many appointments with me, only two or something. Does anyone of you guys have had any similar experiences?

Thank you for reading this text:)