My parents were married for 35 years. My dad had a Huge temper, was always very controlling, and was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to us. He worked really hard for the duration of their marriage (as did my mom) to make a bunch of money to give my sister [24] and I [21] financial stability. But in 2016 my mom couldn’t handle it anymore and something happened that was a last straw kind of deal. So they got a separation and my sister and I moved in with her, and we sold our childhood home. It was a really devastating experience for all of us.

8 painstaking months later, my parents got back in touch. I think it was probably my fault as I’d stayed in semi contact with my dad during their separation time and had relayed some information about how he’d realized how wrong he was in the past, all the mistakes he made and how messed up his priorities were. I no longer felt like he was the same domineering figure in my life and I could talk to things about it.

They got back together and were getting counselling and doing well for about 9 months. Somewhere along the way, my dad started reverting to old, controlling behaviours, but was sneakier about it this time. My mom started to feel the same way she used to and became very, very unhappy. They decided to split up again and have been separated for about 2 months. Both separations, my dad tried to convince her to give it another try and get back together. I’m glad this time my mom is saying he hasn’t changed and will not believe otherwise.

My sister’s been staying in touch with my dad and I haven’t for the past month. He’s moved into a condo he owns and is keeping himself busy with work. But today my sister told me that when she last spoke to him a couple days ago, he thought he saw my mom walking our dog around the property at his condo (same dog breed, same leash, and he’s certain it was my mom) and that she waved up at him through his window. He lives on the ground level and it backs onto a field next to a pond. He told my sister he stood frozen staring out at her for 30 minutes in shock. Later, he texted/phoned my mom asking her to meet up for a coffee to apologize for not waving back and coming out to see her. I was with my mom the entire day that day, so I know it wasn’t her. There is also a no dogs allowed rule at the condo he’s at, so I don’t think it’s very likely someone was walking one around there.

I know how depressed and suicidal he was during that first 8 month separation and now I’m worried having the separation happen a second time broke him. Could this be some kind of mental health crisis? I’m scared for myself, my sister and my mom too. He’s always had a huge temper and defaulted to anger for most emotions, and has been pretty violent in the past. I’m scared that if he’s hallucinating and having some kind of nervous breakdown that we could all be in danger, my dad included.

Am I overreacting? Who could I even go to with this information? I already know he isn’t receptive to therapy (he only did it with my mom because he thought he had to). I’m also scared talking to my mom about it will give her some kind of nervous breakdown as she’s having a terribly tough time already and is just repressing it.

tldr my parents separated for the second time in 2 years and my abusive dad is potentially having a nervous breakdown (or maybe not?). I’m desperate for any information about what I can do to help him and keep all of us safe.