A little back story: I’ve had bouts of depression for years. I’d say on and off since about 6th grade (now 21 so about 10 years). My worst times were high school up until about 2 years ago, where it was an every day struggle. I also have a decent amount of anxiety. I know people who have it much worse than I do, but it’s still there to some extent.

Anyway, I’ve been having a lot of trouble with motivation. In the second quarter of this school year, I was really on top of my shit. I loved going to school, loved my classes, and was really enjoying life. Now that I’m in my last quarter before graduation, I’m finding it hard to do most simple things. Work is a bore, but I love my job. School is extra tedious, but I’m learning about awesome, interesting things that I can’t wait to use once I’m done with schooling. You might think it’s your typical ‘senioritis’ but I can tell you it’s much more than that. Today is a great example. I stayed up until ~5:30am doing homework. Overslept by 20 minutes for my 10am class, got so worried about how my teacher will view me for being late (again) and just didn’t go. I had three other classes today, but after thinking about my first teacher’s reaction and classmates’ thoughts, I didn’t go to any of them. I just laid in bed all day thinking about how shitty I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve called out of work for the past couple of days simply just because I didn’t want to go. I feel like im in a super rut here, and I really need to get my shit together before i flunk out of my last quarter of school. Any advice is appreciated

Edit: My family has a history of substance abuse stemming from my dad’s side (including him and his brothers). I smoke weed (California, woo hoo!) but I’ve noticed I typically enjoy life a whole lot more when I’m sober. Lately, I’ve been finding it very hard to quit. I keep talking myself into smoking when I know i need to quit, and I feel like that is really making this rut a whole lot worse