Hi guys, I'm new to reddit and am seeking support in this issue I'm facing with my sister when it comes to personal hygiene.

Here's a little background. I'm 22, and my sister is 24. We have grown up in a single-parent household with a loving mother who is supportive and hardworking, but is exhausted. We lost our father at a very young age and have been through other traumatic family losses as well. My sister did not do well in school (but was able to graduate by the skin of her teeth), was bullied by her peers, and did not join the workforce until about 3-4 years after she finished high school. She still does not have her license and is very dependent on my mother, who is a night shift nurse. I just graduated college and have not had the same challenges with mental health as my sister has, and am more independent. Unfortunately, this causes a lot of comparisons to take place due to the fact that we're so different from one another, and that I am the younger sibling. These comparisons are never overt or stated aloud, but are seen more through the tensions that arise in our household. There were tensions among my mother and sister during her teen years for sure, but I am noticing that they haven't really gone away and are worsening as of late. My mom means well, but she is tired and frustrated. Working nights, she has to sleep during the day and organize her time so that she can bring my sister to and from work or tend to other needs (as my sister will not do chores). Now that I'm officially finished with college, I'm living at home again, and will be for a while and I want to do what I can to help my sister and my mother ease some of the tension and get my sister the help she needs. So I've been making sure to bring my sister to and from work and of course make sure chores are being done. Although there are many issues that need addressing here, the latest one that has caused the most tension is my sister's lack of hygiene/personal upkeep.

This isn't a new problem by any means--I don't ever recall her being regular with her hygiene. However, it's gotten so bad recently that we can smell her from across the room. My mom can't help but gag at times, and sometimes she'll make comments that are honest, but are of course, very hurtful. I've been trying to help my mom think about other ways to soften her approach. Sometimes she's receptive, other times she's not. My sister will often try to cover up with perfume before she goes to work, but that's a very temporary solution. She keeps her hair pulled back, but it's very matted and I'm worried that it might be beyond repair. I have gently approached this issue with her multiple times, discussing with her the importance of being clean and doing her hair. She always says, "I know" but never does anything about it. I know she knows. My mom isn't as soft with her approach, as I've said. She's straightforward and honest, but sometimes in ways that can be hurtful to my sister's self esteem.

In the past, my sister went to regular therapy sessions, some of which she invited me to attend with her. However, the last appointment she made was in the summertime, which was one I was present at. If she were to make another appointment and would allow me to go with her, I would like to bring this up, but also realize that she would likely be very embarrassed. I have trouble figuring out when I'm overstepping and when I'm helping. Anyway, since she's not seeing her therapist and hasn't for quite some time now, I'm at a loss for what to do or who to turn to do address this issue. I'm worried about this being an issue for her at work or in other public places where people may pass judgement on her. I'm not sure if there's anything else I can do to help her--if so, what can I do? I know she's the one that has to make the decision to shower--but I'm really concerned that she won't because it's been such a long time. If we keep waiting until she's ready...it's going to be a much larger issue than it already is. If anyone has any words of support or ideas for next steps to take, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.