So I've always been a very unstable person and recently it's all come crashing down on top of me - I'm not sure if it's the Christmas season, being home from uni, or a mix of the two. My main problems began when I was around 12/13 which I don't want to get into right now but the reason I bring it up is because it's been playing on my mind a lot recently - flashbacks of things long since over but giving me real terror and panic attacks as if the memories were live. This is almost certainly to do with the fact that I am back in the town I grew up in which increases the chance of me running into someone from my past. The problem here is that I can't escape it - I'll be relaxing on the sofa watching a film one moment then the next second I'm curled up on the floor shaking and crying because of the sheer levels of anxiety I'm dealing with. The next problem is my parent's recent divorce. The divorce itself didn't bother me all that much but the depression that my dad has fallen into is ruling our lives and he uses me as a therapist - I'm about to turn 20 so I don't really have the life experience or the emotional stability to be able to support him which makes me feel extremely guilty. My other issues are harder to solve. There's a conspiracy against me that dates all the way back to when I was about 12. There's a group of people who I don't know but see often that I'm sure are turning people against me. There's an old woman and a bald guy that rides an expensive looking racing bike that I see the most often. I'm sure they're the ones orchestrating everything. I've been diagnosed with BPD and generalised anxiety disorder but nothing seems to help. I don't even know the point of this I just needed to get it out and I no longer trust therapists.