I'm 20.

i don't feel like I have an identity at all, I feel fake, I feel like a copy of everybody else. I'm impulsive, I have huge brain fog, I hurt people that I love without noticing it, I love them I love them I LOVE THEM. I love by boyfriend, my mother and my sister and I'm tiring them.

Today my boyfriend told me that he was trying to talk to me about something and that I wouldn't listen.. I am deeply sorry and I don't want him to leave me, I'm scared that he'll get bored of my nothingness and break up with me and leave me alone. People call me histrionic because I try and find myself and am painting my nails and posting pictures with my boyfriend on my facebook page (we're gay), I feel betrayed, rejected, I don't want to be hurt and I feel like I'm hurting others without noticing it.

I'm thinking about suicide again, I don't want to think about it. Help me. I took my anxiety pills as my doctor prescribed and it helped a couple of hours ago but the feeling is back and it's worse. I feel like such a shitty person.

it's like i'm borderline or something, what is wrong with me??? I'm hurting but I can't feel it, I know I'm hurting. I don't feel any emotions anymore, I'm scared. I saw my boyfriend the other day and almost cried because I saw the most beautiful boy in the world, I don't want him to leave me.

help me.

EDIT: please help me, i feel lost.