It's almost New Year's Eve and I expect this to be a particularly difficult time for a lot of people (myself included). It's an evening you are "supposed" to spend with your friends, celebrating the year that's about to end, whilst welcoming the new year. Some of us though, spends the evening by ourselves in tears. This was me last year. This may be me this year as well. Only time will tell but, I suspect, it could go both ways. Perhaps I'll be able to feel happiness (as well as feeling a little bit bummed out), or perhaps I'll just cry this year as well. I am more than likely to look at photos/videos of other people having a blast without me, and it certainly won't make me feel any better. I'll probably just sit alone in my room, reading and/or watching movies.

This is how I will spend my New Year's Eve, and this is how I'll spend my New Year's Eve in the future as well. No one ever invites me to anything (outside of family, that is). New Year's Eve is fun for a lot of people, but not me. There are other days as well that SHOULD be fun, and usually is for most people, but I find myself dreading each and every one of them. They only serve as remindes of how no one wishes to spend any time with me whatsoever (outside of family, that is).

This is my reality. This is how I live every day. I've been alone for most of my life. I beat a record this year though... I've hung out with someone outside of the family a recordbreaking seven times. Usually, if anything at all, I don't get past the number one. I guess that's worthy of a celebration... Anyway, I pretty much don't have a social life, and nothing will ever change. I'm on the autism spectrum (Asperger's) and I have social phobia, so I think it's pretty much guaranteed that this will be my life. It's difficult to accept, but I kind of have. I accepted this a while ago, but I'm not thrilled about it. I just no longer see any point in trying because it never leads anywhere. To be fair, I can't remember the last time I took much initiative socially. I'm too afraid to try, but I still talk to (some) people. If I were to REALLY try, it would only lead to rejection, embarassment, and having my feelings hurt. It's just not worth it. I iust wasn't meant to have a social life (which includes romantic relationships). I have pretty much always been an outsider, and will always be one - and not in a good way.