I have a little bit of a dilemma. I’m worried that I am dealing with a serious and worsening case of anxiety/depression. I’ve had anxiety for a few years, but about ten months ago I slipped into a different state. I had gone through a lot of confusion and anger and frustration due to people doing stupid things and causing my anxiety to get worse. I started to feel worthless, unimportant, and that I was crazy. It was manageable at first, but it quickly became more than I had imagined. I started to go into spirals, they didn’t occur very often, but when I was very tired or mad at someone, I would do something/something would happen and then I would immediately over think and lose control of my thoughts. It would feel like my tiny voice of rationality was being beaten to death by the rest of mind. After the school year had ended, I thought that a break from the building and the people would help but it didn’t. I don’t know why, but I hit a point mid-August where all I did for two weeks straight was spiral over everything. It took everything to move, to eat, to sleep, to speak, to do anything. I hoped that it would only be a short time, and I reached out to some people to try and get some help counteracting my thoughts and it worked for a little while, but when school started again everything snapped. Now I’m in a place where I get very angry very quickly, I can’t handle being with more than 3 people for any length of time, I shake a lot, I always feel the need to get away from things, I’ve pushed people away, I am scared to touch doors, handles, railings, etc, and other peoples things because the idea of germs makes me feel like I’m going to contract a horrible disease and die (I wash my hands way too much at school), I can’t have people within arm’s length of me unless I trust them with my life, I have no motivation, I feel pathetic, I end up in tears every night, almost everything I do sends me spiralling. I’ve almost been hit by cars and it doesn’t scare me as much as it should. Yet when my head sends the all-intrusive “it wouldn’t be that bad if you jumped into oncoming traffic” I lose it because my fear of death can be debilitating. It’s just all so confusing. I’ve tried to get my family to see that I need help, but I’ve never told them all of this uncensored. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I’m trying so hard to help myself but yea… I don't know what anyone can say to help, I just really needed to get it out to someone who hopefully wouldn't freak out on me.