I have these ‘tics’ or ‘compulsions’ of sorts. For example: I’ll be holding a pen but randomly get the urge to rub on the top left of it until I feel satisfied. As of right now, I’m holding my phone and have the urge to rub/feel on the bottom inside left of it but more inside the crack between the phone and phone case. That’s my most frequent one, as well as having the urge to constantly flick the light switch back and forth and constantly turn the doorknob. I’m also very ‘depressed’ in a sense. Sometimes I’ll feel happy, others sad, or just nothing at all. I hate my life, but unfortunately there’s more. I randomly get scared or anxious as if someone or something’s coming. It gets so bad to the point where I have this random rush of anger. My adrenaline pumps. I guess I could describe it as an unreasoned fight or flight sensation, with the feeling of being hung off a cliff. I mentioned anger, and that’s where it gets worse. I get frustrated easily by the simplest things. I could drop a pen and I’ll need to punch a wall or get into an altercation with my mother and want to beat in every bone on her body with my bare hands (I’ve argued with her today and had this feeling. That is why I’m here). I don’t think I’m very sane. I fantasize about horrible things (as stated above in regards to my mother). I’d fantasize about hurting people, killing people, and/or emotionally breaking them. When I think about it, my heart races with pleasure. As I’m typing I’m thinking of this, and I have this sense of arousal. The thought of being in control, having people do what you say is amusing. I’m also very emotionally unstable. I would laugh one minute then cry the next. For example: Today after the argument with my mother, I felt a rush of anger. If I didn’t control myself, I would have hurt her. But then I started to cry. Not because I regretted almost hurting her (even though I do), but because, I don’t know. Although I was crying, I still wanted to hurt her. I believe I was overwhelmed with anger. I fantasize A LOT. About a better life, being rich, famous, in various relationships, being a murderer, feeling the life leave one’s body after I’ve strangeled/beat them with my bare hands. If I were to hurt someone, I’d prefer using my hands. I’m very anti-social. I cannot stand being around people. Sometimes it’s because of anxiety, others because I find them annoying and worthless to me. I should also state that I love my mother, as well as a selection of family members. I feel almost every emotion, but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I laugh when someone is extremely hurt, crying for help. Although I cannot remember the last time I was in that kind of situation, so I cannot measure. I’ve tried looking my symptoms up but nothing’s come up. Well, EVERYTHING’S come up ranging from sociopathy, to OCD or OCPD. If anyone could help, I’d be grateful. EDIT: I’m a 16 year old female and I don’t always have those negative thoughts. Mainly when I’m by myself. I often pace in circles and say my thoughts out loud because they can be overwhelming. I have more tics such as repeating certain words for the feel, predominately the letter ‘r’. I also tend to avoid emotional situations. If someone were to cry I’d get up and leave the room. If someone’s family died I’d try my best to avoid that person. But what’s weird is I don’t mind it in movies/tv shows. Please don’t tell me to see a doctor. If I could, I would’ve done that by now. The best I could do at the moment is consult with doctors, phycologists, or simply experts online.