(18M) I've had mental health issues ever since I was a kid. I've always had anxiety and had problems with social situations. But I really progressed and I have a lot of good friends now, and I can even somewhat flirt with girls. I got much better pretty quickly when I went to a different school. I kinda viewed is as a new start and progressed a lot. But ever since my last summer break which really sucked, I've been getting worse and worse. I've been depressed and had increasingly bad anxiety and panic attacks for six months now. But what's really worrying me is that in the last two months or so, I had extremely vivid nightmares, that are brutal, surreal and really dark, every night. The fact that they are so vivid is probably due to the fact that I stopped smoking weed for good. The are always really surreal but I can still tell that most of it is kinda about my upcoming finals and the fact that I might fail them (which is a big fucking blow to my ego, because it's just because I was defiant and lazy, I've never had trouble with what I have to learn itself. But I've always based my self worth on my grades. Not because I think grades say anything meaningful about you - there just is nothing else in my life that I could base it on). So far that's all known territory for me. But this time, I remember some things that happen in my dreams, as if they actually happened. This has happened at least 15 times now and most of the time I realized that I just dreamt it a few minutes to an hour after waking up and processing all the shit that went through my head in my dreams. A few times I noticed the next day. Once it took me 4 days to realise that I didn't actually fail my German exam. I almost told my parents that I failed it. This whole thing is really worrying me. I also keep having really dark and fucked up fantasies and daydreams. For example, every time I look out of the window of my room at my mom's place, I imagine bombs being dropped into the city and it all blowing up. I don't know what this all means, but every time it happens I feel like something is trying to corrupt, undermine and smother my whole soul. I'm don't believe in anything spiritual at all but that's the only way I can describe it, and it's freaking me the fuck out. I've been trying to get a therapist (covered by insurance) but they are all booked out. The only way to get a session soon is if you are suicidal or pretend to be. What should I do?

Edit: I should add that a lot of my problems are due to the fact that I can't find anything that I want to do with my life. I've done all sorts of tests and I'm qualified for many different jobs, many of which I greatly respect and think are important. But the thought of spending my life doing any of them mortifies me.