My most relationship took a turn for abusive (mentally/emotionally). We were together for a year and it didn’t take long for him to start calling me names like idiot, retarded and stupid etc. As the relationship progressed I pleaded with him to stop hurting me. Not to lie or call me names. I didn’t want to leave him because I loved him so much. I wanted to help him get clean etc. At times he was gaslighting me as well. I was labeled codependent by my psychologist (my abuser bf was an addict/ self proclaimed recovered) but anyway to the point I’m trying to make, every time a guy hurts me, I have to get even. Like if they break my heart, or hurt my feelings I let it slide for a while, weeks, months even. And then the codependency in me goes “I’ll show him”. And I start to plot and scheme. It usually ends up with me dating one of their friends post break up or kissing one of their coworkers (all post break up) I’ve never cheated. Or even sleeping with a man post break up to feel as if I’m getting even. I know this is shameful behavior. Wanting revenge and getting even shouldn’t be justified because I was treated like garbage. But I wanted to know, is there something really wrong with me? Is that an actual condition? I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in the past. Any insight would be helpful. And please tread lightly with any insults as I am very fragile at the moment.